Never Say Never
by EmerlizleCullen
Summary: Bella had a good reason not to believe in love. But I wanted her to love me anyway. Of course the one girl that I would fall in love with would never love me back. But you know what they say: "never say never." Rated M for future lemons.
1. Preface

**AN: I know that I have a gabillion fanfictions already, but I couldn't hold this one in. It's already been written in my mind for nearly a year and has gone through serious plot changes I don't know how many times. If I don't set the story in stone, I never will. And it will bug me till the day that I die. So please, read, enjoy, and whatever you do, don't freak about about things you don't expect, like people being in love with someone that they don't like in the books, I promise things will change throughout the story to something that you're more familiar with. It's just part of the plot.**

**Enjoy, and please review.**

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The ring in my pocket felt like it weighed one thousand pounds. My heart was pounding as if I had drank twenty Rockstars, ten Monsters, and fifteen Full Throttles in one sitting, and had somehow survived. My stomach was turning, not because of the energy drinks, because I really hadn't drank all of them, but because of the nerves.

I still don't know exactly when I fell in love with Bella. I was too busy trying to figure out this mysterious girl to notice my own mysterious feelings for her. But somehow in the mix, Bella had won my heart, and she did it without even trying.

Not many high school seniors were ready to propose to their girlfriends. But there I was, at eighteen years of age, waiting for Bella to walk through the door, ready to humble myself enough to bow down, to kneel onto one knee before her. I would go to such lengths as to beg her to marry me. I was ready to ask the question. I just hoped that, after everything that Bella had gone through, she would be ready to accept.

Bella had done so much for me. Over the past three months, she taught me more than I had learned in my entire life. And this was the important stuff. The stuff that is actually useful later in life. The kind of lessons that you can't learn in a classroom. What Bella showed me was the kind of things that you read about it romance novels. The ones where you don't know what you're reading until after you've experienced it for yourself. Never again will I underestimate a romance novel.

Bella had taught me about respect, hopes, dreams, and appreciation. But most of all, I was taught something that I never thought I would learn from someone like Bella Swan: I learned what it meant to truly love someone. And I learned what being loved felt like. And I was glad that I had been given the chance to show Bella the same thing.

I had drank, partied, and slept my way to a reputation that was shattered the instant that I fell in love with Bella. I had changed so completely since getting to know her. Within three months, Bella transformed me into someone unrecognizable. I had gone from a guy who dated for sex to someone who looked at a girl with respect. Bella was my first and only kryptonite.

I had done more for Bella than I ever had anyone else. I actually _wanted_ to help her, wanted to open her eyes to how much better things were than she thought. Instead of telling her what she wanted to hear in order to get in bed with her, I told her what I knew was true, which, even though they were good things, she didn't exactly want to hear. She was the only girl that I never lied to, the only girl that I sent flowers to on Valentine's day, the only girl who made me wish that I could take back the past three and a half years of recklessness. And she was definitely the only girl who I had ever considered marrying.

While I may not have realized exactly when it was that I had given my heart to Bella, I do know that it was definitely before I even learned her secrets, the secrets that kept her away from me as long as they had. Even before I knew why she wanted to avoid serious relationships, I knew that she deserved better.

I just never realized how much it would take for her to see that.

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Most of the population of Forks grew up together, but of course there are the few that move here in the middle of secondary education. Like Bella Swan. And Alice Brandon. But Bella had more of a reputation. Alice was just Bella's tag-along.

Bella Swan had only moved to Forks sophomore year, but I still knew a lot about her.

Her father was a decorated police officer in Los Angeles, her mother a remarried kindergarten teacher in Phoenix. She had lived with her mother and step-father, James, until she was ten. Then she moved to LA with her dad until the end of her freshman year. Ever since her sophomore year, she lived with her uncle, Laurent, here in the small town of Forks, Washington.

She had all of two friends, Alice Brandon, and Jasper Hale. Alice had become her friend when she, too, moved to Forks from out of town. Jasper became friends with the two of them afterward due to, complications, for lack of a better word.

There are quite a few pervs in the student body of Forks High School. In a town with pretty much nothing to do, sex crosses guys' minds a lot. On Alice's first day, a bunch of guys, one of whom was Jasper, were harassing her. Bella didn't take that too well and did something that none of us had seen before. She beat them up senseless. Sure, she and all of the guys involved were suspended for a week, but when she came back, everyone had a new respect for Bella. Especially everyone with a Y chromosome. Jasper took a special kind of appreciation and soon, after apologies were exchanged, befriended her. Everyone respected Bella enough to make sure that she didn't want to beat them up, but they didn't want to get close enough for her to even get the chance.

Her lack of friends was understandable. She was really down-to-earth and blunt about everything. A little too frank. Ready to point out everyone's flaws. She would give you a reality check the first chance that she got. But the three of them were inseparable. Especially the two girls.

And about the ass-kicking. I knew for a fact that her aunt, Victoria, worked for a movie stunt coordinator. You know, the guys that make the fight scenes in movies look good. When she first came to Forks, she went running to her aunt asking for defense lessons. No one knew why, though. Except Alice. That was when I first realized that something might be wrong with her, but her constant "I don't care" attitude told me that I was just being dramatic. I was being slightly concerned over a still fairly-new student.

It wasn't until the second semester of our Senior year that I knew what made her so different. It was more than just angst. It was more than just paranoia. And it was definitely more than just self-righteousness. Early on I knew that something had happened to her. Maybe more than just one thing. But whatever it was, she deserved better. She deserved more than what she was letting herself have. More than what the world was giving her.

Some people avoid things because it was drilled into them: "Don't smoke because it'll give you lung cancer."

Some people avoid things because of experiences: "Don't run down the stairs because you broke your leg last time."

Bella avoided love for both reasons.

I thought that I knew why Bella avoided dating: Her experiences had drilled into her that all men were insignificant assholes.

But I learned that there was WAY more to it. More than just a hatred of anything with a penis. It was the philosophy of her life. The idea that told her heartbreak was inevitable and there's nothing to gain from it anyway. So why even try? Why even give yourself the option of getting hurt one more time? Or worse?

Over the course of a semester, I grew to respect Bella, not just because she would kick my ass if I didn't, but because she deserved it. I learned so much more about respect from her than I ever did from my parents. EVER. Which was surprising when you thought about how respectable my parents were. The head of the ER in the only hospital in town, and his caring wife, willing to adopt two kids out of foster care, me and my brother, Emmett.

I had learned so much more about, life, fear, passion. What it meant to be afraid of something happening over and over again no matter how far you ran away. What it meant to live without anyone helping you, being able to do things on your own. What it meant to have such strong desires in something other than sex. How to set goals that would actually be productive, with or without a companion.

I'd known, even before getting to know Bella, that what I had been doing was wrong, all of the womanizing and parties and alcohol. What Bella had done was give _me _the reality check that had helped me step away from that. Bella taught me so much more about love, even without believing in it. Her logic never failed to amaze me. She just never saw how her logic failed her. How much she was the one hurting herself. Letting her past follow her around like some lost puppy.

Of course, Bella Swan, the girl who vowed never to fall in love, would be the one girl that I would fall in love with. The only girl that, if I was lucky enough to persuade her to date me, I would NEVER cheat on. The only girl that made me break down and cry every time she denied me. The only girl that I had to earn trust from. The only girl who I wanted to trust me. The only girl that I ever wanted to love.

She haunted my dreams, taunting me. Not with her body, like my dreams before might have, but with her soul. Her immortal ideas and passions for her future. The way she held herself with confidence and independence. She didn't need a man, but I wanted to be hers anyway. My nightmares consisted of the fear in her eyes, the worries that I would do to her what every man of her past had done. My darkest dreams revolved around me hurting her more than any man ever had.

The more I got to know her, I saw that it wasn't just determination in her eyes. It was a confidence fueled by hate, a determination to get away from anything that could hurt her. Her independence was a shield. She didn't need anybody to help her because she didn't want anybody to help. And the closer I got with her, the more I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly to me. I just wanted to lift the weight of the world off of her shoulders. I loved her more than anything in the world.

And she would never love me back.

But you know what they say...

"Never say never."

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**AN: It will be a while before we get to the point at which the preface begins, but I wanted it to catch your attention right away, so be patient. A lot of amazing things will happen before this point. Please review. Leave a comment good or bad, I don't care.  
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	2. A Different Side

**AN: Whatever you do, don't freak out about Alice being with Mike. You'll see what I'm doing with this.**

**I do not own anything Twilight related blah, blah, blah

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_A Different Side

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_It was just what could be expected out of the first day of a new semester. Everyone had some new classes, some people were switching out of classes that they didn't like and into different ones, the same as usual. I didn't expect anything different. It was Forks, after all. Nothing was really interesting.

Except for the fact that I had lost a bet and had to audition for the school musical now.

My brother's girlfriend, Rosalie, had bet me that by the end of the semester, my girlfriend, Jessica, would find out that I was cheating on her. Of course right after I agreed, Lauren Mallory (the girl that I was sleeping with behind Jessica's back) decided that she liked this kid named Tyler that I wasn't that fond of. She figured that as long as things were over with us it was okay to tell Jessica. I guess you could tell how that ended.

When I entered my third period AP music theory class, I was surprised to see Bella Swan there with her best friend, Alice Brandon. I didn't know that either of them were that into music. But then again, one could never know that much about Bella's likes or dislikes. Bella's mind was a secret to nearly everyone.

"We had plans, remember? You kept Jasper and I waiting for half an hour before we decided to go home," I heard Bella complaining. Bella never complained much unless it was about men, so I was rather curious over why Bella--Bella of all people--was whining. Bella was the one who told everyone else to grow up and quiet complaining.

"You guys could have seen the movie without me," Alice replied.

"Are you _trying _to set Jasper and I up?" Bella wondered. She had this thing against relationships. Nothing that she expected everyone else to believe in, but a strong hatred of the word "couple" when it implied her. From what I could tell, she didn't believe that any love was good enough to last. Not like she'd really had a relationship to begin with. I'd only seen her date one guy while at Forks, and they were only together until after prom that year. I didn't seem to end that well. But that sappy "I'll never love again" was definitely not the reason behind the madness of Bella's theories.

"No, I guess I didn't think how awkward that would have been with just the two of you," Alice pondered. "Okay, look. I said I was sorry. Mike wanted to talk about things less public." Alice was currently dating my best friend at the time, Mike Newton, which didn't make Bella that happy. She didn't stop Alice from doing anything; heaven knows it's her mistake if she makes it. But Mike and Bella didn't exactly get along that well.

"Like what?" Bella questioned. Alice looked around cautiously, which made me laugh. Like you could keep a secret in Forks. She slowly raised her left had to reveal a wimpy diamond ring. "Good, good god, Alice, please tell me that's the promise ring and _not _the real one," Bella wished in disgust.

"It's the real one!" Alice announced excitedly.

"Okay, I love you to death, Alice, but honestly! You're a senior in high school. You're only eighteen. Oh, and did I forget to mention the fact that you've only been dating the guy for all of two months. Come on, Alice, I know you're smarter than that!"

Bella and Alice had been best friends since Alice moved here, and as much as she must have been used to all of the negative talk about love coming from her unromantic best friend, hearing those words must have hurt her. But Alice showed no sign of offense.

"I know, but, he says that everything is just so euphoric with me and it's so much different and - "

"That's because you're the first girl who's refused to have sex with him on the first few dates," Bella cut in. "He's actually had to get to know you before deciding anything and, oh my god, he's actually in a real relationship, and love isn't all about sex! What a novel concept! Come on! Mike Newton has slept with nearly every single girl in this school. Including me. You really think that his first real relationship is going to be perfect? He doesn't know what the hell he's doing," Bella ranted. And she was right. Mike's list of girls that he'd landed was almost as impressive as mine. Almost.

"Wow. I keep forgetting that. Remind me, if things don't work between Mike and I, not to date anyone from our school because, chances are, they've been in your pants," Alice remarked. Bella just rolled her eyes and slumped comfortably in her seat.

That was the strange thing about Bella. She never wore her heart on her sleeve, but if she did, it would say "I don't care." Her best friend could make fun of her sex life and she really couldn't care less. She heard what people said about her, the rumors, the legends of how she got the way she was, and she never said a word or showed any hurt that she was possibly feeling. This was sure to be an interesting semester.

As big of a bitch as Bella could be at some times, I couldn't help feeling slightly sorry for her. Her best friend was thinking about _marriage _while she vowed to no dating. Most people would just roll their eyes at something like that, but I had never met anyone as determined to stay away from men as Bella. If it were anyone other than Bella, having your best friend get engaged while you swear yourself to loneliness would feel like a stab in the back. But Bella didn't expect everyone else to follow her rules.

Bella had this theory about independence. She believed that if other people felt like wasting the time to fall in love and get married, that was their choice. The catch was that if you chose to follow that particular path, she believed that you shouldn't be completely reliant. For instance, take Alice. If Alice chose to get married to Mike, that was her choice, but Alice should still be able to do things for her self, especially in the case that things didn't work and they got divorced, or if some tragic accident happened, taking her beloved away.

Bella's main philosophy was that soul mates weren't one person in two different bodies (heaven knows that would explain why Bella hadn't found anyone. No one in the WORLD was enough like Bella to be her other half). No girl _needs _a man to complete her. I once heard her explain it to Alice like this:

"You are not one half of a whole; you are one part of a couple, hence the word 'couple.' You are one complete person. I'm looking at two eyes, to ears, two arms, two legs, two of pretty much everything. The only truly important thing that you only have one of is a heart, and even if you do couple up, do the math and you still only have one each. So nothing has really been completed there."

None the less, Bella didn't say anything further on the topic of Alice's engagement. As much as Bella wasn't exactly supportive of relationships, she wasn't about to bring her best friend completely out of the clouds. Alice was happy with her feet not exactly planted. Who was Bella to mess with that? She would give Alice a little bit of a reality check, but she would never say or do anything that would make her completely unhappy.

After AP music theory, I had English with Mike. Better to warn him now about Bella's bitterness than to face it himself.

So I dropped my backpack by the chair in front of Mike's, plopped down, and turned to face him.

"I see how it is, just get engaged and don't even tell me," I joked. A snicker escaped from Mike as he learned about my new discovery. "You do realize that Bella isn't exactly that thrilled about it?" I confirmed.

"Do I really care what the bitch thinks?" he asked. Knowing him, he didn't.

"Just be careful. Be sure not to fuck things up with Alice. You've seen what Bella's capable of. If you think things aren't working out with you and Alice, make sure to let her down gently. If a single tear falls from her eyes, you're dead," I warned him. All Mike could do in response to that was snicker.

"I think I can handle Bella," Mike falsely predicted.

"Dude, you know you can't. Just face it. You're going to have to be a lot more careful now that you've made things between you two official. Or else your obituary is going to say something like 'brutally murdered without a weapon by fellow 18-year-old classmate," I joked.

"Thanks for the warning," he replied, playing along with it.

It turned out that Bella was also going to be my lab partner this entire semester in chemistry. Mike had to fill that role last year in biology, and had told me that Bella had been a freaking whiz in that class.

That was one thing that everyone could say was awesome about Bella. You could always count on her to pull her own weight. Because she didn't waste her time with dating or relationships, or spent days in bed crying over a lost boyfriend, she made an amazing partner for group projects. She also thought that laziness was a crime, so she was always there to help the student body president and all those over-achievers set up for school dances and events.

But when Bella saw the seating chart displayed onto the screen by the overhead projector, her reaction was not what I expected it to be.

I just expected that Bella would roll her eyes and let out some exasperated sigh, dragging herself over to the table that we would have to share for the entire semester. Instead, her eyes pretty much popped out of her head and a clearly frustrated look came to her face.

Bella shuffled over to the teacher's desk. I couldn't hear what she was saying over the murmur of the class, and she was probably talking quietly, too. But I could tell she wasn't happy with her assigned lab partner and was asking to switch with someone. After all, Jasper was in our class.

When Bella didn't exactly get what she wanted, she pretty much stomped to her seat, slamming her stuff on the table between us. It was clear that she didn't want to be anywhere near me.

"Do you have a problem?" I wondered. It wasn't like Bella to throw tantrums. Other than the sleeping around thing, she was probably the most mentally mature student in the entire school. And it was clear that whatever problem she was having, it had something to do with me.

Bella forcefully removed her backpack-turned-barricade and looked me square in the face.

"You're going along with this whole marriage thing, aren't you?" she accused. Of course she would still be upset about Mike and Alice. What that had to do with me, I had no idea.

"I'm not exactly looking forward to being someone's best man at age 18, but it's their mistake let them make it," I told her. "I'm not going to just shoot down something that my best friend is looking forward to. Unlike you, I try to be optimistic."

"And how are you doing that?" she asked.

"I'm lying to myself and telling myself that I'm 100% confident that everything between Alice and Mike will work out," I explained.

"Oh yeah? And how's that working for you?" she questioned.

"I told you, I'm trying. It's only been one day," I replied.

That was when the exasperated sigh came.

"And if they're always together, that means I'll have to see a lot more of you. Fun," she said sarcastically.

That was when I realized that the problem wasn't just that she thought I was rooting for the destruction of her best friend's happiness, it was something about _me _that made her not so thrilled to be sitting next to me for an entire semester.

It was only later when I learned that there was much more behind the discomfort. Something that I had no control over, but something that I was part of none the less.


	3. Auditions and Arguments

_Auditions and Arguments  


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Bella's mood didn't lighten over the next few days. I always got wicked stares from across the room in AP Music Theory, and she had this odd compulsion to put something on the table between us during chemistry.

The surprises of the semester continued when I showed up to the musical auditions and there she was. Apparently Jasper Hale, a good friend of both Alice and Bella, had been able to talk her into it. Alice wasn't far, talking with Mike in corner. Of course Alice would be wherever Bella would be.

"Hey, Alice," I greeted her politely. Alice nodded her head in acknowledgment, but said nothing, so I continued. "Would you mind going to talk with Bella and Jasper for a minute, I'd like to discuss a few things with your fiancé."

"Sure, no problem," she easily agreed before turning on her heel and strolling to her friends.

Sometimes it amazed me that someone so easy going could be friends with someone so uptight and anal. I understood that what Bella had done for her sophomore year was a big thing, but being that close with someone so polar opposite was kind of freaky.

"What's up, man?" Mike wondered, breaking me away from my thoughts.

"Is something wrong with me, or is there some specific reason that someone might truly hate me?" I asked him.

"Well, if you're talking about Jessica, I think she has a pretty good reason to hate you right now. I mean, you kind of cheated on her," he reminded me.

"Yeah, as if I need a reminder of that. I'm here because of it. I lost the freaking bet. I wasn't talking about Jessica. I was talking about…someone else," I explained.

"Whoever she is, you're gonna cheat on her, too. You always do. You know, I'm amazed that you can even convince a girl to go out with you, I mean they know what you're going to do to them – "

"I'm not talking about someone that I like. She's actually rather neutral to me on the love/hate scale. It's just some random person who – "

"Dude, just tell me who it is," Mike demanded.

"Bella's my lab partner this semester and for some reason she seems to hate me," I began. "At first it was like this 'you want my best friend to ruin her life by marrying your best friend' kind of thing. But when I told her that I thought you two _were_ possibly making a mistake, her attitude didn't exactly change," I told him, recalling the first day of the semester. "I've been thinking that she was using the whole 'you're rooting for the wedding thing' as a cover for her real problem with me," I theorized.

"The only problem that she would have with you is that you're best friends with me. She's going to have to deal with you at least once a week even after we graduate with how much she hangs out with Alice and how much you hang out with me," he suggested.

"You know, she did bring that up," I remembered, though I still felt that this was the wrong assertion.

"Yeah, I mean, what other problem would she have with you? She doesn't date, so she wouldn't have to worry about falling for you and have you ending up cheating on her. That's really the only reason any other girl _would _hate you," he added.

I looked to the corner of the auditorium and watched as Bella argued with Alice and Jasper. That was odd, those three never fought, unless jokingly. Especially not Alice and Bella.

"What do you think is their problem?" I wondered aloud.

"Who knows, it's Bella. Nobody knows her problem," Mike said, finishing the conversation.

My shock increased when I first heard Bella sing. She wasn't American Idol material, but she didn't suck at all, and what she lacked in vocal ability, she matched with the emotion she put into the character she was portraying in the song. Who would have expected that to come out of Bella Swan?

I was just about to wonder what _wasn't _possible when I saw the cast list the next day. Bella, Alice, Jasper, and I all were given fairly good roles. I knew that I didn't exactly suck, but honestly. Me? The whole staff should know how terrible I was with commitment. Why would they give me a part that required a lot of rehearsal? Probably to keep me from doing drugs or smoking or drinking or whatever bad kids did these days. That was probably a smart decision on their part.

But I would be stuck with Bella. What a joy. Insert sarcasm here.

I pondered over that thought for a while. Having to deal with someone who, for some unknown reason or another, hated you with a burning passion, day in and day out, for nearly half of a semester? Bella would have to get over whatever issue she had with me and just deal with it.

When I picked up my script at the first read-through, I was horrified to learn that my character was romantically involved with Bella's. Oh boy. Sparks were sure to fly. And not the good ones. I could tell that Bella would not be very happy about this. I could just imagine what was happening in Mr. Banner's mind as he was casting. _Hmm. Which students do I hate the most. Edward and Bella. Those two horrible kids. Let's torture Bella by presenting her with emotional contact with a guy, and torture Edward with whatever Bella does to him. Yes, that sounds perfect._

What amazed me, though, was her first reaction after looking up from her script for the first time. The seating arrangement that Mr. Banner had put us in seemed to concern her more than the fact that she was about to be put into very uncomfortable shoes.

"Excuse me, Mr. Banner. Um, is it really necessary to have seating arrangements for a read-through, I mean, it doesn't matter where were sitting, we're just reading. It's not like we're getting up and moving," she reminded him with a strong sense of urgency.

I understood why she might not have appreciated the seating assignments when I looked at the names taped onto the chairs besides Bella's: Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie. Bella had grown sort of accustomed to Mike because of how much time he spent with Alice, but I wouldn't exactly say that she was that comfortable with him, yet. And Eric Yorkie, well, he was just a guy. A guy who wasn't Jasper, therefore it was automatically uncomfortable.

"Just sit down where I put you and get to know the rest of the cast. It'll all be fine once you all get along," Mr. Banner replied in an authoritative way. His choice was final. I watched as Bella's breathing slowly accelerated into near hyperventilation.

Was it really that bad? Could she really not stand guys so much that she couldn't sit too close to one for two hours? I mean, she didn't have to talk to them, didn't have to devote her lives to them. She just had to sit next to them for a couple of hours like she did when she had to sit next to a guy in class. Like with me. Was it really so terrible?

The answer was in her face: yes.

Surprisingly, though, the read-through began – and continued – fairly peacefully. Bella didn't say anything other than her given lines, and no one else spoke to her, unless in character when they had their lines.

The problem came when we took a fifteen-minute break when we had reached the end of act one.

"Hey, Bella," Eric said, just to catch her attention. "You do realize that you have to kiss Edward Masen, right?" he announced, lightly elbowing her.

Was he really that dumb? Elbow Bella? When there was some sort of resemblance between him and the species of men? That was nearly a death sentence right there. And Eric was shooting for valedictorian. The teachers needed to make sure to double-check his papers before handing him the honor of being the biggest geek on the planet.

"Don't touch me," she ordered, with a stern and disciplinary look in her eyes. "You're not the one I have to kiss, so you don't have to worry about it. It's none of your business, so leave it alone."

Did that make it my business? I didn't want to ask to find out. I had more self-preservation than that. If it were survival of the fittest, between Bella and myself, I don't know who would win. But I would definitely win against Eric.

"Aw, come on. A little bit of friendliness won't kill you," Eric assumed, throwing his arm over her shoulder. "It didn't kill you a couple of weeks ago."

You didn't have to be a psychic to know that that was the wrong thing to say to Bella.

"I said don't fucking touch me," Bella exclaimed, throwing herself onto Eric. No one dared to touch her while she tried to beat the living shit out of the kid. No one except for Alice and Jasper. They were the only ones _allowed _to touch her. If anyone else had tried, they probably would have gotten worse treatment than even Eric. Alice and Jasper immediately jumped into action and pried Bella off of Eric, escorting her out of the room. The rest of the read-through was cancelled when we had determined that they weren't coming back. At least not until the next rehearsal.

I hadn't given much thought as to what had gone on in Bella's life that would make her the way that she was. A couple of months after she had moved to Forks I just thought it was her personality, just a set of beliefs. Like how people used to think that African-Americans deserved slavery, and that women shouldn't be allowed to vote. Bella believed that love didn't really exist. It was like a religion to her, and everyone had accepted that.

But, even though I had seen Bella defensive before, it surprised me to watch the fury on Bella's face as she attacked Eric when he refused to leave her alone. I had never seen Bella's clearly expressed opinion displayed on her face; it was always just something that was portrayed through her actions, words, and never-failing attitude.

So I went home that night, thinking for the first time about the deeper side of Bella. For once I almost missed the turn-off to my house because I was lost in thought. That didn't happen to me. It happened to other people who were trying to find my house, because of how unseen the driveway was, but I had lived here since I was five.

I really began to wonder what was happening to me when I found myself looking up Charlie Swan on the internet...


	4. Prove it

_Prove it_

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Despite the clear conflict, Bella was there the next day at rehearsal. Only leads needed to be there, excluding Eric, which was probably the only reason that Bella had agreed to come back so soon. But there was still a clear change in her. I was scared to even get anywhere near her.

It wasn't even Bella's normal "as long as you don't piss me off" kind of attitude. The look on her face said something more a long the lines of "I'm already pissed off; don't think about talking to me." It was sure to be an interesting rehearsal.

But, against all odds, rehearsal continued with no problem. Bella never said anything out of character to anyone other than Alice or Jasper. No else one said anything to Bella, which was probably a smart move. I wondered who was more scared of her, me, or any other cast member. I had a reason to dislike her. After all, she clearly disliked me, whereas she didn't have any preference, good or bad with anyone else. I knew that for some reason, I was on her bad list. And that gave me extra reason to fear whatever Bella might possibly have done to me if I crossed her path wrong.

At the end of rehearsal, Mr. Banner asked Bella if he could have a word with her alone. Alice and Jasper each whispered a quick "see you later" and went to meet their rides outside. But I was too curious for my own good. I stayed, pretending to take special consideration as to how all of the crumpled up homework needed to be arranged in my black hole of a backpack.

I tried to eavesdrop, but they were inside Mr. Banner's office, so I couldn't hear much. But through the window it looked like they were fighting. I almost could hear actual words from Bella's mouth, that's how loud she was getting. Her face was slowly turning redder and I almost wanted to burst in and save Mr. Banner. It looked like Bella was capable of murder at that point. But it was Mr. Banner's fault, in reality. Even the staff knew how temper-driven Bella could be. He walked on broken glass, and might possibly end up bleeding to death because of it. Not my problem.

That was another thing about Bella that you didn't need to be a genius to know. She was very argumentative. She knew what point she wanted to get across and wouldn't stop fighting until that point was made. That was made very clear that day as she out-argued Mr. Banner until she was blue in the face. I couldn't help but wonder what Mr. Banner could have possibly said to make her so defensive.

I must have spaced out at some point during their argument, though, because the next thing that I knew, Bella was storming around the drama room, gathering her things that she had scattered everywhere when she had been trying to find her script. It took me a while to notice that what I had thought were angry, exasperated breaths were actually heaved sobs.

When Bella had finally collected all of her things, she flipped her hair out of her face, realizing for the first time that I had been standing there, watching the entire time. Her eyes were red from crying. Her face immediately darkened further in embarrassment. That was another thing that you didn't often see from her: shame.

"You didn't see any of this," she stated confidently, as if that could change what I had or hadn't seen. Her eyes burned into mine with warning. She turned around swiftly, beginning to walk out of the room. Instantly, curiosity took over me. I grabbed her arm to stop her before she reached the door.

Damn. Maybe I would only tie Eric in a survival contest.

"Let me go," Bella ordered, very clear that she didn't appreciate this contact. Her eyes held a fire of hatred that reminded me of the first day of the semester in the biology lab.

"Look, you're going to have to get used to me touching you so deal with it," I sputtered, not thinking before I let words slip through my mouth. "And I'm not letting you go until you tell me something I can do to help."

Bella stopped resisting for a moment and her eyes softened. But it wasn't a peace-offering, it was confusion. It made me think. There must have been something that I really _could _help her with. She just didn't want anyone to know.

"Help with what?" she asked frustration in her voice, though somehow still seeming innocent, and surprised. I nodded my head to Mr. Banner's office, indicating the argument that they had had. "Oh that. Yeah, there's nothing that you can do. That was just a little bit of Mr. Banner crossing a little bit of a line. I don't even think teachers are _allowed_ to do that."

Of course, being the pervert that I was, you could guess the first thing that came to my mind.

"Did he...hurt you?" I clarified, hoping that if things were too bad, she could at least imply to me her situation. That's what they generally did in old movies or something, telling victims to blink or something if they were in trouble. "I could take care of him for you."

Bella, being the - for lack of a better work - school slut, knew exactly what I meant.

"A) I can take care of myself," she declared. "And B) No, he didn't 'hurt_' _me. He was just discussing Eric and my _relationship _the way that no teacher should. Saying things like 'it shouldn't matter whether or not sex with him sucked,' when I didn't even mention anything or the sort. And then he goes on saying, 'he's your co-star and you need to respect him.' As if I don't know what kind of 'respect' I'm going to get back. Now, I don't expect you to side with me on anything, but you saw how he was treating me right?" I nodded, wondering where she was going with her little speech. "Mr. Banner expects _me _to respect Eric! He'll just think of it as some sort of treaty and try to move in on me again. I may not know Eric that well, but I know that much." She rolled her eyes at the thought. "Not like you care anyway. You're probably worse than Eric," she assumed, releasing her arm from my grip and carrying herself confidently out the door.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, chasing after her to defend myself. "I'm nowhere near as pigheaded as that Yorkie kid." At that, Bella chuckled and turned to face me. Her face lit up in humor.

"Really? As far as I've heard, you aren't exactly the cleanest of slates on the planet when it comes to that kind of thing," she pointed out. Unfortunately, she was right.

"And where have you heard that?" I asked, pointlessly, for everyone knew my track record.

"Um, let's see. Jessica, Lauren, Brianna, Rachelle, Andrea, Tanya, Kaitlyn, Chelsea... Shall I continue?" she wondered, a snide little "I caught you" look written all over her face. She laughed a little, almost manically.

"No. I get your point, but there's a difference between him and me. If he were able to land as many girls as I do, he would be much worse than me," I explained. Even to me that didn't sound right. I knew I had made a mistake the instant the last word had left my tongue.

"Now, you see what I'm talking about? All you think about is how righteous you would be if others did everything exactly like you did," Bella stated. "You just see a girl as a piece of ass. And you think that that's okay, and that the only reason people aren't acting the way that you do is because they're just not 'lucky enough.' You're worse than all of them," she declared.

"That is not true!" I defended.

"Prove it," she challenged before storming off to her old rusty truck.

And proving it was exactly what I was going to do.

The next few days, I mulled over what Bella had said. A lot. It explained a lot of why Bella looked at men as a species that needed to be wiped off the face of the planet. And I also realized that what she saw wasn't just an exaggeration of a mind just _looking _for something to hate. It was what she had been shown.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that what she saw in guys was exactly what we chose to show her. Rarely in Forks could you meet a nice guy who didn't have sex on his mind half of the time. So of course when an incredibly nice boyfriend suggests sex, someone in Bella's situation (whatever situation that might be) would automatically jump to the conclusion that they were only after one thing. And when accused of that, we generally don't defend ourselves. Even to people like Bella.

I wondered who had first shown Bella how nasty men could be. All the other females in the student population knew how perverted we were, but they didn't take it into such extremes. It must have been that after one specific, horrific event, no man ever cared to show her the other side of our gender. The side that showed care, and sympathy. But I was going to. I was going to take her up on her offer.


	5. Warnings

_Warnings

* * *

_It was hard for me not to watch Bella throughout the next week. There was just too much to her that I couldn't piece together. Before that day at the end of rehearsal, I had always seen Bella as the kind that simply couldn't be broken. She wasn't exactly self-centered, but she was definitely confident that she could do pretty much everything for herself. She wasn't emotionless, but not exactly a walking fountain of tears, either.

But seeing her that day, breaking down and jumping to her own defense? I knew she hated guys, but I had never heard her reasons, or even any specific accusation for that matter. Now I had been singled out even more among the accused. As if the first day of chemistry hadn't been bad enough. And I had never even done anything specifically to _her._

There had to be something deeper than labels and stereotypes. No one was just born with a natural defense system that warded off all serious relationships. That wall had to be built, and it had to be a fairly strong foundation on which it was built. Something had to have happened to Bella that sparked the desire to lay down that foundation or something. Or maybe someone else had put the start down, and Bella had just built onto it. All that I knew was that in one short afternoon, I had seen more of Bella Swan that I think anyone had ever seen in the past two and a half years. Aside from maybe Alice and Jasper.

The end of lunch bell rang the next Monday, telling me to head to my most awkward class: AP English. It was the only class that I had with both Jessica and Lauren. Jessica wasn't exactly ready to forgive either Lauren or myself. And honestly, I didn't blame her.

But before I reached the classroom of my doom, an arm reached across my torso and pushed me into the wall of lockers. For a second I panicked. Even as a freshman I had never been jumped. Above the shock, I was more surprised. I was surprised to see the face that was connected to the arm. It was Jasper.

"Whoa, man! What did I ever do to you?" I asked, wondering to myself why Jasper would choose to just randomly jump me. He was generally such a tranquil person, set on making as many people happy at once as he could. He was always the "people pleaser."

"Unless it's about the play, don't talk to Bella. Don't touch her unless Mr. Banner directs you to. And I'll kill you if I get any notion that you're even thinking about her," he warned me. Obviously Bella had told him and Alice about our little interaction. I laughed inside at the irony of it. According to his threat, I should have died a while ago. I had been thinking about Bella that entire weekend.

"And what are you? Bella's walking mouth? If Bella doesn't appreciate something that I do, she can tell me herself. She's more than capable of expressing her own opinion. After that little 'incident' with Alice sophomore year, I think that you of all people would know that," I reminded him. "And what would make you think that I would even try to get close to her? I'm not that suicidal." I knew that hurt Jasper. Sure, he may not be on Bella's list of people to murder, but everyone knew how much he loved her. I basically just told him that getting with the girl he loved was a death sentence.

"Not everyone needs a shoulder to cry on, and even if Bella required one, you wouldn't be the first person that she would run to," Jasper stated coldly. Apparently the crying had been explained, too. "You don't need to act all friendly with her just because she has as a bad day."

"Forgive me for being considerate. As far as I'm concerned, she was having a perfectly fine day until Mr. Banner opened his fat mouth," I recalled. And it was true. Other than the bad mood that had been somewhat constant, nothing had really managed to set her off until Mr. Banner had called her into his office.

"She's used to it," Jasper informed me, before he slowly seemed to calm down. He took a deep breath and collected himself. "Sorry about the whole threatening thing. I just hate seeing Bella's suspicions confirm themselves, you know, about how there's not one single guy out there who gives a damn. She's only hurting herself."

I wondered how hard it must have been for Jasper. The entire school could tell how hard he had fallen for Bella. I was pretty sure that even Bella saw it, but acted oblivious for the sake of one of her only friends. I watched as love and pain conflicted in his eyes.

"Do you know what made Bella the way she is?" I couldn't help but ask.

"No, that's a secret well kept between Alice and Bella," Jasper explained. "I couldn't even get a good explanation out of her as to why she kicked my ass, only that I deserved it, and I couldn't argue with that," he explained, almost chuckling in admiration.

I laughed and smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

"Well, I hope she tells you someday," I wished him halfheartedly. "I know it must drive you crazy to not know." After all, I barely knew her and it was making _me _insane.

"You have no idea," he agreed, laughing along with me.

"And don't you worry about Bella," I assured him. "She's not my type."

"Yeah. I know," he said.

With that, I spun on my heel and walked to my class, which I barely made it to on time. And an even more awkward period it was that day than usual. Not only was I in the same room with my ex-girlfriend and the girl that I had cheated on her with, but my thoughts were filled with Bella as well.

Not romantic thoughts, as I had promised Jasper. Just curiosity. Predictions of what brought Bella to the conclusions that she had reached. I was in awe of how diverse one single person could be. While I believed the whole "no two people are the same" theory, there was clearly no one even remotely like Bella in any way.

I wondered what made Bella think that men were hopeless when she had a friend like Jasper. Someone who clearly respected her and obviously loved her and would make sure that nothing ever happened to her. It also made me curious as to why Jasper hadn't told her that he kind of had a thing for her. I could understand not making a move because that would have been an instantaneous death sentence. But why not show her that there was hope?

I couldn't keep interrogating Jasper without making him wonder where my curiosity was directed, but I had to figure Bella out before it drove me completely crazy. Forget about Jasper's mental health. How could I possibly ask Bella herself, though, when she had made it very clear that she had wanted nothing to do with me whatsoever?

I could always lie and say that I wanted to actually get to know her before pretending to have some sort of relationship with her on stage. But while that was mostly true, it was half false due to the fact that that wasn't my main motive. I would hate to lie to her. Not because I had a guilty conscience (heaven knows I didn't) I just wanted to give her one less reason to hate me. And one less reason to prove her right.

So instead, I just watched. It sounds creepy, and it probably was, but I didn't care. I think that Bella might have minded a little bit more if I had flat out asked her a bunch of very personal questions. I decided to value her privacy and try to answer my questions myself. By just observing.

It was Bella who approached me that Wednesday, despite what other people would say. I'll admit, it surprised me, too. No one would expect Bella to associate with really anyone. I didn't really expect different. So why would I have said the first word? She did.

And it was probably the conversation that gave put my foot in the door. The conversation that sent me in a spiral into a relationship that I don't think anyone would have ever suspected.


	6. Truce

_Truce_

_

* * *

_"Hey," came a voice from behind me in the parking lot after school. I knew instantly that that was Bella. Why she was talking to me, I didn't know, but I thought of it as an opportunity to get some answers to my questions. So I turned around to face her. "I just wanted to say thanks. For that day last week. For being concerned," she said.

"That's it? That's all you wanted to tell me?" I wondered. Couldn't she have just waited until the next day at rehearsal? Why track me down?

"Look, I know most people think that I'm a bitch," Bella admitted, "but, really I'm not. I'm just intolerant. I'm thanking you so that you're not hanging around me for the next few months thinking that I'm an ungrateful little slut. So thank you for your concern. And just for future reference, I can take care of myself." Just like Jasper had said.

But instead of a declaration of her independence, it sounded more like a defense. I had this way of reading people, and while Bella was a lot harder to read, I could tell that what other people thought about her mind and what really went on in that frightening bundle of thoughts were two totally different concepts.

The thought of Bella on defense gave me a great idea. I knew that what I was about to accuse her of was nowhere near the truth, but if Bella was in a mood to defend herself, she could prove me wrong. With whatever information that she gave me, I figured I could try to piece it together myself. I came up with the best accusation I could find.

"I think I know why you don't date," I began. Hoping my plan would work as well as it had in my mind. Maybe once I was "accidentally" in on the secret, I wouldn't be so hated by her.

Bella let out a sarcastic giggle.

"And why do you think that is?" she wondered, an evil little smirk playing across his face.

"Because you think you're too good. You think that you're better than what people think you are. While you're not a bitch 100% of the time, you have to admit, sometimes you are. You think that you're too good for anyone here, or anyone anywhere. You think that no one deserves you," I rambled. During my little rant, I watched as her face transformed from maniacal humor to horrified pain. Her flesh turned from her abnormally pale shade to a rose red in a matter of seconds.

Her face went stiff and I didn't even see the hand that slapped me. Out of shock I slapped her back.

That had been a bad move. Next thing I knew, I had a bloody nose and I was doubled over from a harsh blow to my gut. When I finally felt like looking up, Bella was looking at me in disgust with eyes full of suffering.

"I come here to thank you and you throw shit at me. I shouldn't even have to tell you how messed up that is. And don't think you know the first thing about me," she ordered, before storming off and leaving me there on the pavement

* * *

Emmett couldn't get over the fact that I had gotten beat up by a girl. He had been laughing about it all night. Sometimes I wished that idiot had chosen to go to some bigger University rather than the community college. But heaven forbid that would mean leaving Rosalie.

While Emmett was busy laughing at my expense, I couldn't get over the question that Bella's suffering eyes brought to my mind.

I had known that whatever made her think that men were a lost hope had to have been scarring, but I never thought it would be so catastrophic that it would cause that much pain. A pain that Bella always tried to hide.

I never thought that Bella could be wounded by words, but somehow I had managed to throw in the jabs. As far as I knew, I was the only person who had found the right words to say, the diction of lightning that struck hard. Her one weakness--whatever it was--and I had found it...and still didn't know what it was at the same time...

Whenever she seemed confident to others, she seemed defensive to me. Ready to take on anyone who challenged her. You could have your own opinions without making her mad, but the instant that you question _her _motives, you're in a world of pain. I was currently resident of that particular world and was trying to find my way out of it with multiple ice packs.

Why did she go to such lengths to conceal her hurt? I didn't make sense. One would think it would be easier not to use all of that effort just to hide the truth, even if it showed that you had weaknesses. Everyone had weaknesses. Why was Bella afraid to be human? Why did she strive to hide everything that made her what she was? If it was part of her past, it was her past, it was behind her; she didn't need to worry about it now. And if it was something going on in the present, she could, as she had pointed out, take care of it herself.

I had done exactly what I had promised myself I wouldn't do. I had given Bella a reason to think that I was just as terrible as every other guy on the planet. If not worse. Because while she had been going around accusing us, not one of us had even bothered accusing her. Until me.

In her mind, I was the king in a land of womanizers, jackasses, and every other selfish, greedy, indecent man on the planet.

And I was going to do everything in my power to make that change.

But there was no way that I could just wave a wand and make everything that I had said just go away. And even if I could, I probably wouldn't. For two reasons. A) Guys look goofy with wands. And B) It would just show Bella that I think I'm righteous, that I think whatever I do wrong won't go without consequences. As if the bloody nose hadn't already teach me that.

Not to mention that Bella was sure to spill everything to her little buddies and they were bound to form a kind of boycott against me. I was locked out for a good long while. Especially by Jasper.

For the next week I didn't do anything about the barrier that Bella put between us during Chemistry. I didn't try to make conversations with her before or after rehearsal. If I still believed in Santa I would think that this would qualify for moving me onto the "nice" list.

The weekend was rather relaxing. While my mind was still engaged with thoughts of Bella, I knew there was nothing that I could do about it. At school, I knew that, if I dared, I could talk to Bella and try to settle things. But I didn't have Bella's phone number, so I couldn't hold it against myself for not trying to fix things at the current moment.

On Saturday I decided to jump in my Volvo and go for a drive. It had been a while since I had just driven around town. Not like there was much of a town to drive through, but with the play, rehearsal had me so busy that the 3.1 square miles seemed like Chicago or something. Maybe more like Portland, but it still felt larger than usual.

Somehow I found myself in the school parking lot where Bella and I had had our last conversation. Confused as to why I went onto autopilot and ended up here, I got out of my car and walked to the curb. Pulling a cigarette and my lighter out of my pocket, I sat down on the wet concrete.

The cigarette was about half gone when I heard the unmistakable clunking of a 1952 Chevy pickup. The only one that existed in town was registered to the one person that I desperately did and didn't want to see at the same time. A few seconds later, I spotted it chugging along the main road. I could almost feel Bella's eyes burning a hole in my forehead as she passed the school. I could tell that she was keying my Volvo in her head, or--knowing her--something worse.

But a few minutes later, I heard the same abominable noise come from the other direction. Turning my head, I saw Bella steering her truck back in the school's direction. Dread washed over me as she turned into the parking lot and pulled up next to my car. Fear followed when she stepped out and slammed the ancient truck's door behind her. Absolute horror finished me off when she sat down beside me.

"You know, if you keep smoking those, you won't be able to sing for the show," she casually brought up, not looking me directly in the eye. In fact, her eyes pretty much remained on the ground.

"I don't smoke all the time. I probably go through a pack every two months. They help me relax sometimes," I explained, returning the gesture of no eye contact. We sat there awkwardly silent until my cigarette burned out. I threw the butt on the pavement at my feet. "So. Did you just drop by to say hello or what?" I asked dully.

"When I saw you sitting here, I decided that I would clear the air, since apparently you weren't going to," she commented. At that moment I felt like everything I had done had just gone to waste. All of that trying, the stress, making in onto Santa's nice list. She really had wanted me to apologize.

"Forgive me for having a sense of self preservation," I requested. She finally looked directly at me, a glare burning from her eyes. "What? You can't honestly say that after giving me a bloody nose and knocking the wind out of me that being around you wouldn't constitute a concern for my health."

"Well, whatever the reason was, I just wanted to get a few things on my side of the line straight," Bella began. Great. We were back in elementary school with the lines. Here's your side, here's mine. Don't cross it and don't touch anything on my side. "I don't think that I'm better than guys. I just personally don't appreciate the way that the vast majority of them act. With the rare exception of someone like Jasper. It's like hating someone who's equal to you. I don't know how else to put it. I guess you could compare it to cats and dogs. There are cat people, and there are dog people. That doesn't mean that one is better than the other. But unless they were raised together, cats and dogs don't get along. I'm kind of like a cat that's been taught that dogs are vicious, mean creatures. It doesn't mean that all dogs deserve to be extinct, but I'm not going to go out on a limb to wind up being attacked," she compared.

So I had sort of been right. Bella had been protecting herself in a way. The only thing that I still needed to know was why.

"You know, I really didn't mean what I said about the whole, you thinking that you're better, but it's nice to know part of the reason why you might not exactly like me," I told her.

"If you didn't mean what you said, then why did you say it?" she asked. It was a simple question, but the hardest one possible for me to answer. I took a deep sigh before replying.

"Honestly, I was just trying to get to a deeper explanation than the one you just gave," I responded. "Like, who taught you that we dogs always bite? What kind of lessons did they teach you to drill it in your head?"

"Why didn't you just ask?" Bella wondered. As if it would be that simple. After all, Jasper didn't even know.

"Like you would tell me," I laughed.

"You're right. I wouldn't," she agreed, almost laughing along. "Here's the deal. I don't want to have to pretend to be in love with you if I really hate your guts. So to prevent that, I just wanted to set some guidelines. You don't bug me about my personal life, and I'll do my best to work with you. That's all that I ask," she posed, holding out her hand.

"Truce?" I questioned.

"Truce."


	7. Parties and Promises

_Parties and Promises

* * *

_"No, you hang up first...no you hang up first...no you, I insist."

"JUST HANG UP ALREADY!" Bella shouted. Alice gave her a dirty look and kept on with the over-gushiness. Thirty seconds later, Bella was grabbing the Blackberry Storm out of Alice's tiny hands, pressing the "end" button and handing it back like it had been no deal at all, like all she had been doing with Alice's phone was texting someone. I was unable to censor the laughter coming out of my mouth.

"Hey! I was in the middle of a conversation!" Alice exclaimed.

"Repeating the same five words back and forth, doesn't exactly qualify much as a conversation." I laughed at Bella's bluntness. Her harsh reality checks were more amusing than critical up close.

Mike had been out of school for the entire week. He had texted me the first day that he had been gone saying that he would pay me fifty bucks to do his homework for him. Apparently he was so sick that he didn't want anyone to come over and drop his homework off in case they caught whatever it was that he had. Everyone was joking around saying that he had the swine flu. He had even told us not to call him. He said that he would call us if he was healthy enough to talk. Healthy as in not barfing up a lung.

Mike had only come down with an "illness" like this one other time in the extensive years that I had known him. And that was a long time. And if this was the same "bug" that he had "caught" last time, things weren't looking up for Alice. And if my hunch was right, and Bella was to figure out that I had had some sliver of prediction of this, my days would be numbered.

For the last week, it had just been me, Bella, Alice and Jasper, who I had regained ground with after my truce with Bella. I felt bad about it, but sometimes I was glad that Mike wasn't there. Because of Mike and Bella's aversion to each other, Mike was often a road block in the way of me solving the brainteaser in front of me.

"So, you guys are coming to the engagement party, right?" Alice asked.

"Do I have any choice in the matter? I'm kind of the maid of honor," Bella replied.

"I'm taking that as a yes. What about you, Edward?"

"The best man will be present," I confirmed.

I wanted to think that Bella and I were becoming friends. Not on a Jasper-Bella level, but on a sort of starting level. You know, where you greet each other in halls, maybe talk to each other before the bell rings, but not quite going out of each others' way to tell each other the latest news about our friends. Which was probably why I hadn't told Bella about my prediction of Mike. Yet.

But there was no way to tell with Bella. I knew she was at least neutral to me, as in she didn't exactly care that I was around her. I tried to be friendlier with her than with any of my other friends, showing her that I was serious about my end of the truce. It might have looked like flirting to anyone on the outside. But I didn't care. Bella wouldn't know what emotional flirting was if it bit her in the ass. All she knew of in that department was seduction. Besides, I had already clearly told Jasper that I was not interested in that kind of relationship with Bella. And Alice had her watchful eye on me at all times. If she thought that I was getting too close, she would have warned me by now to back off.

No one else's opinions mattered but that of those three.

Occasionally I would try to slip in a seemingly inconspicuous trivial question about her, trying to use anything I could to piece together a frame of a life story from her. I knew now that she was using her last resort. If things didn't work out with her aunt and uncle, she would find a job and get emancipated, find her own place in Seattle, and get her GED. She was already strongly thinking of that. She hated her aunt and uncle with a passion. Laurent was a strong gambler and gambled away most of her college fund, so she couldn't go to college right away unless she quickly found an amazing job, which wasn't going to happen in the current economy. And Victoria constantly reminded Bella that she was the one who had taught her all of that self defense, which meant that she could easily use it on her if she didn't clean up her act. Which I guess meant "stop sleeping around or I'll kick your ass" since Bella was a straight A student who didn't smoke or do drugs.

"Jasper, you're still coming, right?" Alice asked.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

The rest of the conversation seemed to have slipped my mind the instant that I though of Bella and I together outside of school for the first time. I'd never seen her just let loose. I still didn't know if I would, but I liked the idea. A smile on her face, forgetting all of her problems...whatever they were. But as far as I could tell her problems were unforgettable, seeing as they still effected her everyday life.

Some days I would watch her eyes grow slowly cheerful at some meaningless event in her day, and then watch them dim in realization of how grim her life apparently was. Those were the days that I really wished that there was something more that I could do for her, some way that I could help her, to lift a burden off of her shoulders.

* * *

I had never taken so long to prepare for a party in my life. Ever. Not even when it was my own damn party. I felt like such a freaking girl. Every time I tried a new look in the mirror I would ask myself if I looked like a pimp. Finally I gave up. My hair always looked like sex hair anyway. That would never change no matter how many times I ran a comb through it.

When I got to Alice's house I couldn't believe how many people they were. Most of them were Mike's friends. But everyone knew he was "sick." I walked through the door and found Alice and Bella in a corner. Alice seemed upset, which was understandable: her fiance wasn't there and she had to stick it out with all of his friends. Bella appeared to be encouraging her; a side of Bella that I had never seen before.

It was refreshing. Seeing Bella as a friend. Nurturing, kind, supportive. It was almost like I had walked into an alternate universe.

Especially because of the dress she was wearing.

A deep blue simple halter that clung to every curve, flattering her figure. She looked great. Not just sexy, but elegant. More than someone would expect from someone with a reputation like hers. Her hair was even pinned back so you could see her face, slightly woven to accent her cheekbones. I could even detect a small amount of make-up.

I had been so absorbed in Bella's appearance that I hadn't noticed Alice stopping the music to make an announcement.

"Thank you, everyone for coming. Unfortunately, Mike couldn't make it this evening. He thanks everyone for still coming out despite his absence and he sends his regards. No one's kicking you out. Feel free to stay, enjoy the party." Alice paused for a moment while some of Mike's rowdy friends shouted a few "congratulations" before the room grew quiet again. "I would also like to thank my maid of honor, Bella, for coming. She may get around, but it takes a lot to get her _out_. I really appreciate her toughing this out for me. And I'm sure Mike would want to give his appreciation to Edward, his best man. I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of each other after graduation!" Alice audience gave her a round of applause, shrieking their mazeltovs as she turned the music back on.

I found Bella a few minutes later outside the bathroom door. It only took me a couple of seconds to realize she wasn't waiting for the vacancy, but for a crying Alice to come out.

"Alice. Come on you are too pretty to cry. People want to talk to you. You hang out so much with me and Jasper that they don't even know you. Come on, get out here and show your pretty smile to your guests. Or are you going to turn me into little miss hostess again like you did at the Christmas party you threw your dad?" It sounded like things were getting pretty serious.

"Everything okay in there?" I asked Bella in a low voice.

"Mike refused to come over. He still thinks he's too sick. And now she can't even get him on the phone," Bella calmly explained before knocking on the door again. "Come on, Alice! I left Jasper out there all by his lonesome. I'm sure he can find a way to cheer you up. You know he has a way with people..."

"I'm not coming out until Mike answers his GODDAMN PHONE!!!! How can he expect me to talk with his friends that I barely know if he doesn't call to support me?" was all that we got out of Alice for the next thirty minutes.

"Can I talk to you for a bit?" Bella requested after many failed attempts to remove Alice from the bathroom.

"Yeah, sure," I replied, not sure whether I would enjoy the conversation about to unfold. We drifted away from the bathroom and into the living space, where the walls were filled with tables of food and the noise of the music could easily drown our conversation.

"Who is Mike? I know he's Mike Newton. Fiance of my best friend. He likes sex. Etc, etc. But is this characteristic?" Bella inquired. Nope. Wouldn't enjoy this conversation one bit. "I understand he's sick, but the girl that he 'loves' is in the bathroom crying because he can't stop puking long enough to text her 'I love you, wish I could help but I'm a little exhausted?' I'm all for this wedding if Alice wants it. I want her to be happy I really do. But I don't want to watch her get hurt."

"Let me just tell you this," I began, thinking of the best alibi I could to excuse Mike's before, hoping I was right. "When I came to him about the engagement, asking what the hell he was thinking getting married so soon, I mentioned the fact that if he broke Alice's heart, he would be dead before his took another beat." Bella nodded as if to admit that I was head on. "You want to know what he said?"

"I'm pretty sure you're going to tell me anyway," she mumbled.

"He said 'Do I really care what the bitch thinks?' Now, I know that's not very flattering to you, but he would rather risk your wrath than not marry Alice. If he's not answering his phone--even for her--he's legitimately ill."

"How do I know you're not lying to me?" she wondered.

"Why do you think I am?"

"Oh, I don't know maybe because you have a habit of telling girls what they want to hear. You're always lying. You lied to Jessica and every other girl you cheated on. You lied to me when you said that you thought you had me figured out. Why should I believe you now. After all, you guys have a tendency of covering for each other." She had a point.

"Why do you think all guys are liars? Sure we cover for each other, but only when we feel it's deserved. Trust me. If Mike were doing something Alice should be concerned of I wouldn't cover it. That would be slimy. But if someone was murdered and Mike was alone the night it was committed, I would cover for him when if no one else could verify that he was hiking," I explained, hoping that I wasn't telling a lie as it happened.

"You have no respect. Most guys don't. You throw your girlfriends away like they're last week's newspaper. You say anything you can to get in bed with them. And from a lack of respect comes the lack of a guilty conscience when you lie," Bella theorized.

So there was part of it: Respect. She had been taught that all men were disrespectful pigs.

"I respect you enough not to lie to you. Mostly because you would kick my ass if I did. And I don't want to be immobilized like that again," I assured her, adding a chuckle to imply that I didn't hold my previous beating against her.

"Do you promise?"

"I swear," I declared, hoping to everything on God's green earth that Mike wasn't screwing around with some chick from out of town.


	8. Cover Ups

_Cover ups _

'I swear," I declared, hoping to everything on God's green earth that Mike wasn't screwing around with some chick from out of town.

Yet the instant I said it the pit of my stomach sunk to the ground. I knew that I had gotten myself into some serious shit.

As soon as the party ended, I bolted my sorry ass out of there, racing as fast as I could to Mike's house. Whether he was or wasn't doing anything, I had to ensure that I hadn't just told Bella a complete lie. My palms were sweaty as I turned the nob to enter the house without knocking. My heart pounded in my ears as I thundered up the stairs ignoring the light "Welcome back, Edward," that Mike's mother called to me.

I threw the door open to see Mike lying in bed alone and sweaty. For a moment I was relieved. because it looked like he did, indeed, have a fever. Until he opened his damn mouth.

"You just missed her. Gorgeous girl she is. And oh the sex..."

I didn't care if Mike had pants on under the sheets. I flung myself at him with the intent of beating him within an inch of his life. He luckily dodged my first few blows enough to jump out of bed and put pants on over his boxers.

"What's your problem, man?"

"What's my problem? I just spent the last few weeks covering for you. When I _knew _that you were probably up to something like this. Not to mention that I just made a promise that you have just broken!" I declared.

"How can I break a promise for you? You were the one who made the goddamn promise!"

"I swore to Bella that you were serious about Alice, that you would never hurt her, that you would stay true to her."

"Well, looks to me like you're the one who made the mistake here. Not me," Mike shrugged.

"Not this time. You just made a huge mistake. You just lost the two most important people in your life. You're definitely losing Alice. And there's no way I'm ever walking through your front door again unless it's to smash your face into a wall," I stated before turning on my heel and starting out he door.

"Why do you even care? I've done this before. And this is the first time you've ever called me out on it like it was a bad thing," Mike realized. A glaring pair of eyes jabbed at me. He finally closed the distance between him and me. "I can't believe you're looking down on me when you do exactly the same to all of your girlfriends. You're such a hypocrite, Edward."

"Not anymore."

Mike let out a chuckle that made me cringe.

"Why the change of heart, bro? You used to be just like me only luckier. Why are you all of a sudden for fidelity and loyalty?" Mike interrogated. I wasn't even sure that I knew the answer. But I realized it was true. Not only did I want to keep other girls out of Mike's bed to keep my promise to Bella, but I wanted to stay in my own bed with only one girl, if I managed to convince anyone to trust me after my many indiscretions.

That was it: Bella.

And Mike saw it.

"Ah-haha. I see, I see. You've caved. You don't care about Alice. You only care about your chances with Bella...When the hell did you start caring about Bella?" I had to give him credit. It was a good question... "Well, when you're ready to get back to the land of bachelor ville, I'll be slumming it out old-school."

He had barely finished his sentence before I slammed the door in his face.

Did I really want Bella? I knew I wanted to decipher her past. Who didn't? She was Forks' greatest mystery. I knew I didn't want to hurt her, she seemed to be through too much of that already. I wanted to keep her trust, but did I want a "chance" with her?

Maybe Bella would be...generous. I mean I could always pull the "how could I have known" card out of my ass. But Bella was smart. People have said that she's not that great of a liar, but that could be because she has such a great lie detector, she second guesses herself when she lied. I wouldn't know. I still hadn't dove deep enough into the Bella pool to know.

And by the looks of things, I never would.

But I thought of one thing that could possibly save my sorry ass.

What if I got to Alice first?

It didn't seem likely, but it could work.

* * *

The next morning I had to bolt out the door. There was no way Mike was going to play sick today. Not after my discovery. I had to beat him to the school. I had to tell Alice myself.

But I didn't know how to find Alice in the mornings. Only how to find Bella. I settled. It was the next best thing. Besides, wherever Bella was, Alice was sure to be in a matter of minutes.

I was out of breath by the time I caught up with her.

"Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella!" I repeated, calling her to attention.

When she stopped and turned to face me, I grabbed her by the shoulders, staring her in the face, gasping for air.

"You okay?" she wondered.

"Mike. Is. Cheating. On. Alice."

"I thought you said..."

"I thought Alice was different to him...but then I got this really bad feeling and went to check it out myself. And he admitted it. Straight to my face. No shame," I explained.

"And why are you telling _me _this? Why aren't you telling Alice?"

"To hell if I know where she is. I figured you could help me find her. We have to tell her before she finds out for herself. She needs to be the one to call things off. Slap him in the face for it before he has a chance to make a fake apology."

Everything clicked in her head.

She realized I was trying to be the good guy.

"Where would Alice be?"

"She always waits by where he parks his car in case he gets over his bug - though I guess it never really was that serious..."

Without thinking I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the student parking lot. I didn't feel her pull away, but I was sure she didn't exactly appreciate the sudden contact. Frankly I didn't care. My only chance at salvaging my relationship with Bella was to help Alice. And this was the only way that I knew how to do that.

Sure enough we reached her, told her, and held her through the crying. All before Mike even pulled in.

"Alice, I'm so sorry. He's only done this once before. I didn't think he would do it to you. You just seemed to be so different. _He _seemed so different. Like you had changed him...I really thought he was ready to settle down. I told you as soon as I knew."

"I appreciate it, Edward. I understand. He's your best friend. You don't want to think the worst," she accepted. "I'm sorry you two have - well, gone seperate ways. I'm sure it hurt pretty bad to mark all of that friendship off as a waste..."

"Not really. Not when I realized that what he was doing didn't just affect you and him. I didn't care at that point," I admitted.

"Still. I understand why you waited so long to doubt him. I know what it's like to hope for the best in your friends even if they seem so assured that they're right."

I realized at that moment that she was talking about Bella.

Alice let Bella be. But she didn't like it. She wanted Bella to find love. To prove her wrong. She wanted her friend to be happy. And to be able to share that happiness with someone who would die by her side. I always thought that Alice had accepted Bella's determination to stay as far from that world as possible. But really, Alice couldn't be more vulnerable inside.

Then it struck me.

Why would Alice be saying these things so bluntly in front of the subject?

Bella was nowhere in sight.

"Where is Bella?" I asked.

"She slipped out a while ago. I was wondering why...but sometimes it's just better not to even wonder with her. Wait just a second...Where's Mike. His car's over there, but I didn't see him pass us...did you?"

My stomach dropped the way that it did after I had sworn to Bella that Mike was faithfully.

Mike wasn't going after me. He wasn't accusing me of ruining his engagement with Bella. Because his old friend Edward The Pimp would never have ratted him out to his fiancee. Enter Bella in between Edward the Pimp and Mike the Douche Bag and Edward the Contrite is born, fully willing to accept the consequences of betraying his trust...

He didn't blame me. He blamed Bella.

And Edward the Contrite was not ready to accept that concequence...

Alice and I pooled our brains together, Alice thinking of places that Bella would go, where Mike would follow while I thought of places that Mike would chase her to. Everywhere we looked was a bust. It seemed like Bella and Mike were nowhere to be found.

Until I got a crazy idea.

Alice had a confused look on her face as I began heading towards the auditorium. The last time I had seen Bella was right before I had mentioned that Mike had cheated before, using illness as an excuse like he had with Alice. I was slowly deciphering Bella. Anger was a weapon for her. It was her excuse to keep men away. It was what repelled men away. But it was also a shelter for her. A sheild. Like mentioned before, a repellent.

I remembered the day that Eric had triggered her anger that day at rehearsal. The day where she was seated next to Eric. Rehearsing a play where I had to play her love interest.

And I was also going off of the assumption that she walked off in anger after realizing I suspected Mike before I came forward. Realizing that I knew I might have been lying at the party.

I had betrayed Bella's trust. She was angry. And returning to a place of anger.

In a perfect world, my assumption would be right.

But as we all know, the world is most definitely not perfect.


End file.
